Burning Man Table of Contents

Use Caution

Contributed by David Peterman

You can believe this or ignore it... just don't jump all over me for it, because I'm only the messenger.

OK, so I was just down in the donut shop on 3rd Ave here in Seattle, which as you might know, is just a couple blocks away from the glitzy revamped Nordstrom that is opening today. Why is that important? Just keep reading.

So I get my chocolate bar and start to leave when I notice this guy sitting alone at one of the rickety tables. Or should I say he noticed my Burning Man t-shirt. I dunno. However it happened, I soon found myself sitting with him, listening as he told me a very chilling story.

Turns out this guy has a brother who works in an unnamed government department somewhere back east. Naturally, he has a lot of contacts and here's quite a bit about what's going on all over the world. Turns out, a very secretive government organization has been keeping close tabs on BManOrg practically since day one. They have countless files, hours and hours of surveillance tapes, and several moles within the BMan community who report back on all activities. So far, everything has been quiet, but this guy told me that, "this year, the shit is really coming down."

Damn, I'm getting all shaky just typing this. But I'll try to continue. Think about what's going on here: The BManOrg is luring thousands and thousands of people out into one of the most desolate regions of the country for a full week. Meanwhile, through mailing lists and ticket sales they have gathered considerable information about all of us: who we are, where we live, exact addresses, etc. It's really quite staggering.

So anyway, while we're all out there, completely oblivious to what's happening in the real world, the BManOrg is going to put their main plan into action -- a plan they have been rehearsing for years, and only now are they strong enough to actually make it happen.

On Sunday, the day of the burn, the day of highest attendance, the day we are all the most distracted, thousands of BManOrg operatives are going to fan out across the country. They are going to go to your city, to your house. You won't be there to stop them! You'll be dancing in the middle of a dry, hot desert with no way to contact or be contacted by anyone.

And with full access to your house, they will go inside.

They will go to your bedroom. And there, they will... they will... riffle through your underwear drawer. They will place your briefs and panties upon their heads, and they will dance.

Perhaps this guy in the donut shop was a loony. But is it really worth taking the chance? You can live in denial if you want to, but me, I'm bringing all my underwear to the playa with me!!

Contributed by David Peterman
Copyright © 1998 David Peterman

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