Burning Man Table of Contents

Actually, I have a better idea

Courtesy of Jim Mason

Quote from an email:
> You are right. Can we kill Saddam Hussein now?
> (Note how I spelled his name right and capitalized it)
> Can we! Please!

actually, i have a better idea. let's hold bman in baghdad this year. we'll sit larry down with hussein and get a little discussion going on what a wonderful thing it is to create social bonds through gift economies and participant based creative work. we could go through some old photo albums with all the naked girls, and then show him our new icon- that combined star of david and islamic moon logo the borg came up with this year for the religion theme. that should get him excited. oh boy o boy. larry could groove with him for hours about mesopotamia being the origin of everything and all that, and all our human hertiage being descended from the greatness of his ancestors. tell him about all the shrines we make everyear to obscure sumerian and babylonian gods. bathe in the glorious history of trade routes and writing systems and agriculture and even the wheel, cause you know, it was the old school ancestor husseins that came up with all that shit. i'm sure hussein would be thrilled to know we are wildly appropriating all the ancient symbols and stuff of his great civilization to promote good fucking and aggressive drug use out in *our* desert.

but with bman in bagdad, he wouldn't have to come all the way over here to see it. ya know, visas are kinda tough for him right now. so we go to him. and join all our hippy friends already there getting ready to be blown up by volunteerin to be human shields for chemical weapons plants. hussein would love it. we could take him out to a few drum circles and bomb around the desert in big broken machinery, drunk of course. he has to still love that shit. he's still a guy, you know. i'll bet he could even figure out how to hotwire the boomtruck. after some sightseeing, maybe we get brave and take him over to the cunnilingus instruction tent. i doubt he's too big on that, but probably just cause no one ever taught him how. let's help him out of bit with the ladies. maybe he's facing an angry uprising among his 30 or so wives and keeps up to all this international troublemaking cause he can't deal on the home front. 30 wives all simultaneously vieing for attention has to be a bit much. so let's help out our brother with some of the better techniques of the tongue. such an intervention could easily do more to avoid this war than a whole year of global street protests, denial of service attacks on the white house switchboard, and opportunistic frenchie spouting.

and then we could show off some of our pyro stuff, which he would certainly poo poo and proceed to light up a couple of oil rigs. woooooooooo weeeeeeeee. and then we would have a parrrrrrtaaaaay. after a few bottles of jack we could try out some of those new al-samoud maissles that are causing all the brouhaha. maybe even test fire for distance tst at the armada of oil tankers stuck off shore trying to load and unload cargo as everything is embargoed, kinda like in the bay here during the dock workers strike here.

and the scary thing is, it might work. because in the end, nothing, i mean absolutely nothing, can stop bman. it absorbs all protest, criticism and even active assult. it provides no resistance, merely smiles and engulfs the threat. that is the genius of larry. he doesn't fight. he only says yes, even when he thinks no, and overtime engulfs all the no's thrown by the world into yeses. he's done it for 10 years and in the process maneuvered most of the bay area out of most of its time, energy and a good deal of its money. hussein wouldn't stand a chance.

i give him three days and he'd be whooping it up with the boys at the jiffy lube camp. . .


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