Table of Contents for Civilized Explorer or Burning Man

The Man Burns

Links to Bizarre Pages of Burning Interest

What luck! You're getting here just after we updated this page!

This page contains links which are of interest to those persons who live Burning Man each year, or just lived it one year, or OK, they just wanna live it. If it turned up in your Web search and you cannot imagine why, it is karma that you be here, and you must visit each of these links or your karma will be ghia forever after. You have been warned.

For further information, see the bottom of this virtual page.

The Laughing Squid's blog of wierdness, courtesy (I assume) of Scott.
Nuclear Blast Mapper
Your tax dollars at work. PBS has set up a family Web site so your kids can see the effects of air burst of various megatonnages. Part of The American Experience. Fill in the town, click the red DETONATE button. Several QuickTime videos of atomic blasts for the imagination- impaired.
LED Undies
Undies spangled with LEDs are great for the playa. Unfortunately, not available as the time of this writing, so roll your own.
The Anatomy of File Download Spyware
Using RealDownload, Smart Download, or Download Demon? You are sending your Windows GUID to the software company, along with the URL of the file you downloaded, according to this article.
The National Association of Letter Carriers
And you wonder why America has disgruntled postal workers -- see this Web site and feel their pain. Absolutely necessary for Burning Man attendees.
The (sort of) Official Daniel Pinkwater Web Site
Utterly delightful. Photos, Chinwag Theater, essays, and email posted and answered.
Boys and girls, be the first in your neighborhood to own a water pistol that squirts glow- in- the- dark water! Only ten bucks for two, plus S&H! Or you can buy an ingredient to put in ordinary tap water and make it glow blue. The site claims safety in the all- natural product, using bioluminescent material.
Science Toys
Toys you can make yourself with common household materials, a phrase that strikes terro in the hearts of moms and dads..
The Illustrated Guide To Breaking Your Computer
Aggravated at your computer? "QWERTY this, [expletive deleted]." How to dismantle your hardware in the most satisfactory manner possible, using such home tools as a drill with paddle bit, glass cutter, crow bar, and more. Extra help for those with Dust-Off and pocket blow torches.
Unimog All-Terrain Expedition Vehicles
Two- passenger, all terrain, all climate expedition vehicle. Yeah, right. Get that sucker on the playa and let's see how all climate it is. Comes with hot and cold running purified water, 12- volt reefer, alcohol stove, and solar panels; wind- powered generator optional. Used vehicles available for $22,000 to $85,000.
Plustech Walking Technologies
The Department of Mutant Vehicles won't let your Unimog on the playa? Crush 'em. These seriously off-road walking monsters are perfect for Burning Man.
Can't afford a Unimog? Convert your 4x4 to a tracked vehicle. Get stuck where no one can reach you!
TailGator Gas Powered Blender
A gasoline powered blender is perfect for Burning Man! It has a 24cc Poulan 2-stroke, 2-1/4 Horse with infinitely variable RPM and throttle and speed control for all those hard- to- blend items.
International Belt Sander Drag Race Association
Need to have your belt sanded? Need it sanded fast? With official IBDA rules and track specifications. Tons of useless animated icons for those long download times. Quicktime movies, too.
Bamboo bicycle
Save the world! Recycle your bike! Bamboo is a renewable resource, and metal is kept to a minum in the bambucicleta. Order from Denmark.
If bamboo bikes don't float your boat, try the Tango, an electric car with a top speed of 130 miles per hour, zero to sixty mph in 4 seconds. It's only 39 inches wide, so maybe Larry will allow it on the playa, right? Two passengers in tandem, plus some gear.
Mechanical Hit Counter
Okay, men. This is a mechanical hit counter. Every time the page is downloaded, a real dial with a real number clicks up one notch. Then the Web cam broadcasts the image of the hit counter to the page. None of those namby pamby CGI scripts for real men, right?
How to Build a Stormtrooper Costume
These guys molded their own stormtrooper costume, making their own mold and vacuumform table, and they give very specific directions. Very specific, as in two separate pages with innumerable photos on each page on how to rivet two pieces of plastic together ("Notice here we will attempt to clamp down the FEMALE SNAP piece.") Even if you are not going to do a stormtrooper suit for Burning Man, this site gives great tips on how to vacuum mold your costume.
Jay Maynard's TRON costume
Camel toe alert. So Jay did a TRON costume for Penguicon 1.0 (if you don't know, you don't deserve to know), and here's his page. EL wire alert. This costume is probably better suited to the playa than a strormtrooper get up, and it lights up at night, a definite advantage.
Stuck at Prom Contest
Okay, so the stormtrooper costume is a little too much for you. Here's Duck brand Duct Tape's page of prom ensembles made from, you guessed it, duct tape. It comes in colors other than silver, as you will see.
Duct Tape Workshop
How to make a wallet out of duct tape, courtesy 3M. (Uh, it's in metric, though. Sorry.)
Zoot Suit Store
So forget the plastic armor. Get yourself a zoot suit online from Siegel's Clothing Superstore, Mission Street in San Francisco. Custom, rack, or rent. Most of 'em'll setcha back a couple a Cs.
Dust storms on the playa a problem? Breath plant suspirations instead with the Plant Backpack. A greenhouse on your back.
Robot Wars
Let the games begin! Radio- controlled robots in four weight classes have at it against each other to the death (or the crowd votes after five minutes, which ever is longer). We who are about to croak salute you.
Survival Research Laboratories
These guys claim that "ritualized interactions between machines, robots, and special effects devices" is art. Yeah, right. They build robots that attack each other and tear themselves apart. People pay to see it.
Burning Man -- The Waste Land
Great description of HELCO in the 1996 version of BM.
How to Talk New Age
If you are going to Burning Man, you must walk the walk and talk the talk. Here is half of what you need.
New Age People can sense Vibes as soon as they walk into a room. If the people in the room are the way they want them to be, they have Good Vibes. If they have certain different opinions, they have Bad Vibes.
Tired of all the white people at Burning Man? Looking for a more diverse cultural experience? Drop by damalia ayo's Web site and rent some street cred at BM.
The Ultimate PWC Repellent
Using AIM-9 Sidewinders to rid your local bay of jetskis may seem to be a good idea, but there are some, uh, side effects to watch out for. Now, how do we get these to lock in on bozos and yahoos at Burning Man? Heatseeking in Black Rock could lead a missile to have a breakdown.
Quote from the page:
In our case, the authorities who arrived exhibited significant anxiety, which was later tempered upon learning that the target was a [jetski]. One of the officers present was noted to have said, "So the guy has a couple of air-to-air missiles on his boat. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Edmund Scientifics
Tons of science stuff, kites, fresnell lenses, magnets, optics, and playa toys.
George Goble's Home Page
No, not that George Goble -- he's dead. This George Goble has the only UNIX license plate in Indiana. (Of course it's the only UNIX license plate in Indiana! How many license plates does your state issue with the same number?) This George Goble is the winner of the 1996 Ig Nobel prize in chemistry. Audio and video files along with still pictures of lighting his barbecue grill with 60 lbs. of charcoal and 5 gals. of LOX. Result: 20 lbs. of charcoal left after 3 seconds. BUT -- the old crust on the grill was burned off, and it was clean and ready for burgers! Removed at the request of "the people in charge" on or about February 6, 2003.
Datadocktor'n - din hjälp bland ettor o nollor
Although this site is entirely in Swedish, it is clearly documented with photographs. On this page, the good Doktor shows how to defragment your formerly fixed disk with toothbrush and Ajax Anti-Static cleanser. Maybe it's Norwegian. Who can tell?
Things That Go Boom
When they outlaw spud guns, only outlaws will have spud guns. Mr. Science (no, not that Mr. Science, another Mr. Science) tells you how to build a catapult, tomato gun, watermelon canon, and a potato gatling gun.
Safety chiefs target German craze for 'bazooka' spud guns
FLASH! Hot news! Thuringia bans kartofflekanone! Our worst fears (see above) have come true. All because a man "almost lost an eye" (I guess he finally found it -- "It was in the last place I looked!"), a potato broke a woman's leg, and some kid lost part of his ear when the canon blew up. Sheesh! (New York Times -- free registration required.)
The Low Cost Cruise Missile
This is just an essay on how it could be done, with links to relevant sites with the electronics, servos, airframe, and so on. For consideration by Burners offended by planes flying over with advertising banners. For information on a simple pulse jet for power, see The No-weld Pulsejet Engine. (Note to the incredulous: we have had pulsejet-powered cars at BM in prior years, so an LCCM is definitely doable, given the amount of talent available.)
Drones of Death
No, not Larry giving a speech. This page is about unmanned aerial vehicles. Buzz the playa with your very own attack drone.
Death of an iTrip
Rocket engines used to destroy a fault iTrip under warranty.
Solar Death Ray
Small pocket mirrors ingeniously affixed to plywood so that the focus on a point. They have a gallery showing the sola destruction of a rubber ducky, floppy disks, and such, but the site had been /.ed when I visited, so no imagery was available to conserve bandwidth.
Grenade Bot
Sixteen 40mm grenades in a launcher on tank tracks. Just what you need for that rave camp next door that's keeping you awake at 3:00 am. Color video of this sucker in action, but it's pretty sucky -- what do you expect from the army?
Sick of loud music at BM keeping you awake all night? Sick of thumpmobiles on the street any time of the day or night? Build a HERF! (Am Deutsche.)
Can't read German? Build your own HERF gun; several models, lots of photos and videos.
Low RPM alternators
Build a low RPM alternator for wind-generated electricity at Burning Man.
Converting a lawn mower into a generator
If you can't afford a generator for Burning Man, build your own from your lawn mower. You didn't want to cut the grass anyway, right? While you're at it, convert the sucker to run on propane -- you didn't want to cook anyway, right?
Pneumatic Cannon
Not content with high-voltage destruction, our Voltage Labs also shows how to build an air cannon you can pump up on the playa with our bicycle pump! Requires PVC, a sprinkler valve, and an auto tire valve. And a pump.
Theatre Effects
This company specializes in theatrical pots and pans -- safe fires in containers for special effects in theatres.
1/5 Scale Sherman Tank
Okay, so it's built entirely from wood (including the tracks), but it fires a potato cannon!
The Home Snowmaker
To really bring back that feeling of the Battle of the Bulge on the playa, make your own snow! (Or just make snow on the playa because you can.)
The jet powered beer cooler
So ice is a problem on the playa at Burning Man. Here's a kiwi- engineered solution which keeps your Guiness at two degrees Celcius. (Instructions on building your own jet engine at (Next, kerosene powered afterburner for well- done sausages.) Burn, baby, burn.
Make your own water cannon
So they're getting really obnoxious about leaving no trace on the playa, and nobody is seeing the humor in being pelted with spuds. So here's a helmet- mounted water cannon, with your water supply in a backpack tank. You get a face shield, too, so you won't have to worry about the dust storms.
Okay, so jet engines are a problem at Burning Man. So here's a Norwegian beer cooler you can carry around -- cool one can of beer to about freezing, and keep it there while you drink.
All Electronics Corp
Get your peltier junction here -- two sizes.
Lasers turn cheese into art
Turn your cheese into art on the playa. If your cheese dried out, you may want to try this pulsed ultraviolet laser to slice it. Some burning damage reported at 355 nm beam, but hey! It's Burning Man, right?
CD Zapping
After you've microwaved your CD, what do you do with it? Tesla!
Characterization of Organic Illumination Systems
Okay, so you know all about triboluminescence and electroluminescence. Well, the boys at DEC Western Research Laboratory decided to see if they could make their pickles glow (Kosher, Dill, and Cornichon). These guys are scientists, and they know HTML, so diagrams, tables, lists, measurements, electrode insertion, graphs and all that stuff.
Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Pirated MP3s
Join the boy detective and his friend Sally as Lars Ullrich enlists their help in shutting down cyber pirates...
"Wow!" Sally said. "That man is so big, and so black!"
"Don't worry, if Meany gets out of line, I'll pop a cap in his ass." Dr. Dre said. Popping a cap in one's ass means ending a life by shooting a person with a firearm.
This site is a riot -- and buy the poster.
Roller Cycle
A personal power accelerator for your playa skates. There's also an all terrain scooter, probably a violation of BM's DMV regs. But there's lots of video, and the sound is burningly obnoxious.
Hand-powered webserver
Okay, so you want to be green at Burning Man. Here's how to build a hand- powered Webserver, running Linux, of course, so you can serve all your photos of naked people and stream video live.
gaijin a go-go
Japanese commercials starring gaijin -- some are v e r y s t r a n g e.
In the washroom
Been on the playa so long, you can't remember how to use a toilet? Here are detailed instructions.
The saga of the Bra Ball
Art cars, bra balls, and a bus lane. There is almost a Burning Man connection, too. Not quite, but almost.
Implosion demolition. Protec documents explosive demolition projects, and then they put the video on their Web site. RealVideo and big pipes for this site.
Spud Server
Potato-powered Linux server. Great for the playa, as no electricity is needed for your computing needs.
Carrier Pigeon Internet Protocol Work Group
The RFC for CPIP is 1149, and you do not need electricity. In the first experiment, though, the ping session suffered a 55% packet loss. I'm not sure about survival rates on the playa, so pay attention to your Carrier Pigeons, or you may be eating squab while the rest of us dine on Spam.
$14 Steady-Cam
That's right, fourteen bucks! This is not a gyro-stabilized, gimballed thousand-dollar deal, but it seems to work. Take a look at the video clips at the bottom of his page. Inertial steadiness and practice.
Home-made baby wipes
Roll your own. Get your table saw out, though, this is a real man's project. Nothing beats the satisfaction of making a cheaper baby wipe with your circular saw.
Writers & Artists Snacking at Work. So now that we've got the spuds and lickable interface under our belts, so to speak, it's time for a snack. This site offers reviews of snacks, with a photo of the packaging, contents, weight, upside/downside, and recommendations. When you're tired of your regular snack, or you're looking for something to take to Burning Man to gnosh, check this site.
Put a solar-powered light in the cap of your water bottle so you can find it at night. Available in red and white.
Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie
How to build, use, and maintain an aluminum foil deflector to combat mind control.
Protect your pet! For the love of God, get your cat a foil hat and save if from the ravages of an alien brain scan.
On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study
From MIT: Aluminum foil doesn't work! SOB! Maybe the feds started the aluminum foil deflector rumor so that we'd think we'd foiled the feds. No! Wait! Beanies do work, and the government paid these guys to say they don't so we'd stop wearing them. No, I've got it! The beanies don't work, and the feds paid these guys to say the don't so we'd think they'd paid them to say they don't so we'd wear them thinking they do! Never start a land war in Asia!
Trepan Brain Clinic Tells Why
Okay, the aluminum foil didn't work, and there's a spud lodged in your cranium. Take a trip to Noah's trepanning clinic. Classic quote:
If you have put off brain surgery before because you didn't want unsightly scars or stitches, then your wait is over.
Be sure you "Learn about the Symptoms of excessive brain function."
Le Village
For all those pretentious French things that turn out to be necessities at Burning Man: chocolate, fois gras, guinea fowl, brebis and chevre, escargot, and truffles. All held out to be "authentic French products." Just what we all need for Burning Man and for survival post- 2000.
Why Paris Las Vegas won't be Like the real thing
Want to be abused? Go to the real Paris. Paris Las Vegas denizens are likely to see that you are treated nicely. "Pat, I'd like to by a vowel, please."
To Ride a Trebuchet
Although he can't spell centripetal force, this guy built a human catapult that launched his friends and him into a river. At BM, we ain't got no stinkin' river! (Can you say playa rash?)
Ray-Vin Home Page
Don't have the expertise to make your own cannon? Buy one here.
Flamethrowing Carjack Preventer
Get 'em while they're hot. This CNN Web news report has photographs of a car with a flamethrower to prevent carjacking. The inventor claims it will not kill prospective thieves: "My personal feeling is that it would definitely blind a person. He will never see again," he said. Police Superintendent David Walkley of Johannesburg's crime intelligence unit was the first buyer. Get one, go to Miami, and troll for carjackers.
New light on human torch mystery
New light, huh? So the BBC brought in the UK's top fire experts, they wrapped pigs in cloth, and set them on fire. Big discovery? Fat burns. The body is like a candle, with the fat as the wick. Favorite quote?
The wick effect means that a person could burn slowly without attracting attention from passers-by.
Yeah, but only at Burning Man.
How to keep your cash safe at Burning Man
Or anywhere else.
Ceramic pinhole cameras
Very lovely ceramic cameras -- just perfect for the playa.
DIY stencilled T-shirt
How to create a stencil and customize your own t-shirts.
DIY stencilry
How to create a stencil and customize your own clothes.
Don't want to do your own t-shirts? These are absolutely despicable. (IV:XX; Abortions Tickel; I'm not getting jiggy, I have Parkinsons; To hell with Terry Shiavo, stop feeding Kirstie Alley.)
The Infamous Exploding Whale
Remember when they blew up a dead whale on that beach somewhere? Got a T-1 line? Here's the video of dead meat falling on the reporter.
Live Forever!
Guaranteed or you get your life back! Also, plans for a teleportation machine ("The reason why I wrote this page is because we need teleportation very badly since everyone now lives forever.") and how to heal the handicaps and raise the dead. Any questions, just use the Immortality Bulletin Board.
Smithsonian Photographers Shoot Fireworks
The pros have some spectacular photographs on this page. Best advice for BM:
Have water in the foreground to reflect the fireworks.
How to Shoot Fireworks
From the venerable New York Institute of Photography, tips on, uh, how to shoot fireworks.
Lightning on Demand
Tesla coils. You know what to do.
Information about deserts in the USA, with a page of recipes from Desert Lil for your dining pleasure.
Pancake physics to cut batter splatter
Remember: Leave no trace! Here's how to flip your flapjacks without all that horrible batter splatter MOOP on the playa.
For those who find explosives just a little too exciting, here is the site of the LavaLamp people, with an animation you can watch -- it's virtually just like the real thing!
Clock Gallery
Does anybody really know what time it is on the playa? With these works of art, who cares? Absolutely beautiful clocks hand made from found objects.
Christians for the Cloning of Jesus
Hey, that's Christ's blood on the Shroud of Turin, right?
Virtual Church of the Blind Chihuahua
But, then, was Jesus human?
Microsoft Innovations
This is an actual press release dated February 28, 2000, on the actual Microsoft Web site wherein Bill Bolosky and two Microsoft colleagues claim to have invented symbolic links three years ago!
... an idea occurred to them -- why not save operating system disk space by storing duplicate files as links that point to a single file housed in a central location?
Are these guys brilliant ...
During the next 1-1/2 years, Bolosky, a researcher in Microsoft Research's Systems and Networking Group, and three of his researchers worked full time with the Windows 2000 team to build the technology, now known as the Single Instance Store.
Or what?
And you thought Microsoft's only innovations came from other companies that they either bought or crushed.
Microsoft Linux
Distributed under the GPL (Gates Private License, "which means you can freely use this Software on a single machine without warranty after having paid the purchase price and annual renewal fees").
How to learn from your mistakes
Scott Berkun wrote this essay. What's bizarre is that Mr. Berkun was a software development team manager at Microsoft -- and Windows still sucks! How bizarre.
Lego Star Wars Trilogy
A Japanese fan has retold the entire story of the Star Wars trilogy by recreating key scenes in Legos and photographing them over a period of 155 weeks (do the division guys: 155 divided by 52).
Fira Cosmetics
Body painting pens, hair mascara, eyebrow sealer, hair raisers (a year in development!), Freak Streak Lipstick, and more. Colors last 2 to 3 days in some parts of the world, but at Black Rock, who knows? Be a playa avatar.
Body Art Supply
Don't want tattoos, but want the look? Use henna, a natural stain used for thousands of years. The stain lasts for weeks, though, maybe months. Be careful where you use it. This site has henna kits, as well as colored henna, bendi, and stencils for sale. This is a great site with photographs of the results.
Natural Expressions
This site offers not only henna, but henna tattoos. You can get henna in liquid or powder, starter kits, body paint kits, design and instruction books, along with adhesive tattoos, bindis, and piercing jewelry and products.
The Henna Page
If you like the idea of henna art on your body, this page has links to several sites with helpful information and excellent instructions. If you plan on doing henna for BM and would allow me to photograph your design and post the photos, please let me know. I'll send you a print in return.
Henna Webring List of Sites
Body Painting Art
Steve Bradford's page on body painting.
Body Modification Ezine
Of course, real men don't bother with this henna stuff. They'll go straight to this page with it's photographs of tattooing, scarification, piercing, ritual lip sewing, labia saline injections, and ballroom dancing. Oops! Wait a sec. No, no, that's ball dancing. There are photographs of a subincision (the underside of the penis is split open - Is that what they mean by uro-trash?), fingernail modifications, and of a person known as Gelding.
The Art of Body Suspensions
Haven't hung yourself from hooks lately? Get with the program. (They've got a link to their suspension at Burning Man, by the way.)
BIO > Forehead injection
This guy makes Marilyn Manson look normal. Forehead inflation by saline injection.
The Pagan Pages
News, networking, and spells.
Shamanic ecstasy. Tons of information on shamanism, with many connections to the use of ayahuasca.
Life Sized Jar Jar Binks Dolls Used As Masturbation Toys
Members of the Landover Baptist Church express outrage at the satanic doll luring your children into a world of lustful abandon.
The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.
They do not say, however, where one can purchase these dolls. Read the rest of the site for other clues.
Alternative music and its chemistry and culture.
Ayahuasca Home Page
AKA yage; a Web site devoted to DMT and its cousins as alternative reality. Like we need that at Burning Man.
The Vaults of Erowid
Everything you wanted to know about psychoactive drugs, from absinthe, to caffeine, harmala, and THC, through 2C-T-7 and 5-MeO-DIPT.
Prozac Pez
You won't need Prozac at Burning Man, but for your real life, here's how to dispense your Prozac without fear of getting caught.
The big E
The problem: Research reported in the Journal of Neuroscience says ecstasy caused permanent brain damage when given twice a day for four days to squirrel monkeys. The solution: Don't give ecstasy to your monkey. On the playa, the more immediate problem is lethal hyperthermia -- drink your water, ravers.
Postmodernism Generator
So after you get through reading the new age horse manure on yage, check this site out. It uses the Dada Engine to generate completely meaningless, random text that really seems to say something:
Posttextual structuralism states that art serves to entrench patriarchialist ideology, given that reality is distinct from sexuality.
Like, wow. I almost vomited up my entire past identity, but then I realized it was just prededeconstructivism of my sublimation of the cultural paradigm of reality. Reload the page to generate an entirely new file of new age sewage.
An Online Guide to Urinal Etiquette
Okay, girls, you've always wanted to know what goes on in the men's room, so now's your chance. Find out how to use a urinal, a trough, and stalls without walls.
The Church of the SubGenius is the perfect place for YOU. Feel the Stark Fist of Removal. Get slack. Truly beyond belief.
I fought the law, and I won.
Rectal Foreign Bodies
Foreign? Hmph. Stories of an enema with concrete mix (the doctors say it "became impacted"), a pepper pot inscribed 'A present from Margret,' and Butt Pirates of the Caribbean.
I presume this is a consumer product, but I have no idea who the target audience is:
The Throbber 2000tm lets you control your destiny! Runs on Windows95 machines, just download our handy dick designer and start planning your future today!
An animated GIF illustrates the program's apparent results. Being a Mac user, I have no idea.
Cruel Site of the Day (Heritage)
This guy posts URLs of lamers who are begging for your sympathy: How not to exploit your Russian Internet amputee bride, jerkoffs who get letters from lawyers and take it to the Net begging for you to feel their outrage and boycott somebody, and Bill Gates in a really nice wedding dress.
Bloody Fun
See Pamela Anderson's breast implants BLOW UP!!!! See Michael Bolton's eye jerked out by a fish hook!!!!! Also, Bob Saget, Kenny G, and more!!!! All getting their just deserts. Requests taken.
Some jerk off sent me a spam email offering a way to make money from alcohol. See, you put this breath alcohol analyzer in all the bars, see, then you charge people to blow. Then the machine talks. If that don't scare the victims sober, just take their money, okay?
Aerodynamic Hats!
So this lamer wants me to buy a cap that will stay on my head in 75 mile- per- hour winds. He says my comments are appreciated.
Fertnel Snak Corporation
Home of GlowCheese and Glupit (not just a snak, but a sex toy, too!)
Peep Art
See Satan Peep overcome the forces of light.
Lego Porn
Don't let knowledge of this site get spread out all over the net. Not a peep, okay? OOPS! Someone let the cat out of the bag. This site is now "BLOCK STRUCTURE PORN."
Voodoo Doll
Having a bad day at the office? Pay backs are hell.
San Francisco's hardcore polka band.
The Mermen
The alternative surf's up.
Copies of Deconstructing Beck and Negativland's U2 are available here, along with other sampled works of copyright- violations. Lots of stuff to play on your way to the burn.
Take Control of Your Bladder
Continence is king.
Go Your Way
A P-Mate, which allows females to urinate standing up. They offer instructions on when you should use it. Uh ... . Don't you know?
Heartless Bitches International
Okay, grrls -- Had enough of this "real man" crap? Drop by here for wonderful emasculatin' rhythms, a la "Sorry, honey, I just don't have the energy to fake it tonight" and "Any man who drags his feet, needs to stand aside and let a BITCH take over!" or "You woke me up for that?" Go, grrl.
Match Your Snatch | The Kit
Cast your, uh, well, erm, that is to say, this kit contains everything you need to make a one- of- a- kind mold. In wax. With an optional magnet for a great way to hold that shopping list on the fridge, huh? Specially designed casting cup included, one size fits all. For others, see the Clone Your Bone page, for a kit that comes in two sizes. Are you man enough to handle the truth?
The Journal of Mundane Behavior
Completely weirded out? Freaked out by all this crap? Well, here's the site for you, bunky. A scholarly journal about everyday life. They accept submissions. You know what to do.
The Glove Club
For all your gloving needs; try the Glove Finder if you need help. Latex, nonlatex, powder- free, you name it. Their motto is "When the most important thing in your life are the gloves you wear ... " Okay, so they failed grammar.
The High Energy Weapons Archive
The ultimate burn. Really.


Mattel sells Barbies online
Maybe this is what all the lawsuits shutting down Barbie Web sites was all about.
Valley Speak
View this page in Valley Girl Speak. It's, like, totally rad. You totally have been warned. No duh. (By the way, this section is a total riot in Valley Speak.)
Plastic Body Series
Bringing new meaning to the phrase "hand crafted." Margaux Lange does a stunning job with her jewelry. Recommended.
Visible Barbie Project
You may have heard of the National Library of Medicine's Visible Human Project, where human corpses were cut into really tiny slices and resurrected, er, re- constructed with a computer. Well, here's the Visible Barbie project. It is a little more granular, but such is life.
HURRY! See this page before Mattel's lawyers do! Oops. Too late, now it's a page with news about porn.
Menstruující Barbie
In Czech, but you'll get the point. Campari, anyone?
The Barbie Chronicles
Photographs by Dean Brown of the perfect slut. Burn, baby -- burn.
Oops! You missed it. The site is now the Gennie Chronicles as the result of threatened legal action by M*tt*l. But watch the QuickTime videos for a sly reference. Or two. The site is worth a visit for the photographs.
Oops, you missed it again. Now just a blue page. Blue blue blue.
Barbie! Is that YOU in there? Bummer! This site is gone, too.
Plastic Princess Humour
Gangsta Bitch Barbie and Tupac Ken have their way with Sister Mary Barbie, and other stories. OOPS! Sorry, you missed this one, too. No longer extant.
Klaus Barbie Doll
You can dress him up, but you can't take him to France. Shockwave de rigeur.
The Dolls, The Dish, and The Dollars
A site for serious collectors, and they're being sued by Mattel for displaying photographs of Barbie and Ken (allegedly in violation of Mattel's intellectual property rights). Can you say "big bucks always wins"? Online petitions to protect the rights of collectors to show photographs of their collections. Oops! Big bucks won here, too.
Vicarious Barbie Stories
You'd think it would be enough to make a grown man puke. Women emailing their favorite stories of what happened to their Barbies and them: "My grandmother saying, 'My! She certainly is healthy.'" However, there is some GOOD stuff, too. "When I was about 11 or 12 my friend Carrie and I created a Barbie Brothel which operated out of a 'Taco Bell' storefront." Whoa! Get this woman to Burning Man! Or, "I used to chew Barbie's feet and blame it on my dog, who's name was also Ken." Even guys had fun with Barbie: "My last memory of Barbie was when I put my GIJoes in my sisters' Barbie Camper, did a daredevil move off the roof, and watched the camper shatter into a million pieces when it hit the ground. My sisters were pissed, and I was grounded for a week." Oops. Sorry, this site is gone, too.
Hacker Barbe Dream Basement Apartment
You can tell Barbe's hacker friend Madge is a true blonde because that's what color her pubes are. Your Barbie doesn't have pubes? Silly you. This guy's Barbe has delicately colored aureolae. She's so healthy. Gone, but not forgotten.
The LoveGrid
Photographs of the Lesbian scene using an un-nameable plastic doll have been masked because of a threat of lawsuit by an un-named party. Only the silhouettes are now visible. OOPS! The whole page is gone now: File Not Found.
The Distorted Barbie
See Kate Moss Barbie, the Mentally Challenged Barbie, and other products of laying Barbie on a scanner.
What happens when you combine a Barbie doll and a Sharpie pen? A doll with an indelible head and a distinctive smell! 404'd
Tom Forsythe's Food Chain Barbie Photographs
Sued by Mattel, Forsythe got help and won after 4 years and $2,000,000 in legal fees. Buy a print and support the National Coalition Against Censorship. Oops - now off the Web.
Furby Autopsy
Well, alright, it's not a Barbie, but here's how to skin a Furby and conduct an autopsy on the little creatures. Lots of photographs.
Cease-and-Desist Barbie
An article in WiReD about a certain toy company and the actions it has taken as to certain Web sites which involve or are related to a certain figure.
HUES online
Hasta la vista, Barbie. Okay, so HUES was supposed to be about encouraging girls to hold onto their strengths and dreams as they became women (Hear Us Emerging Sisters) -- hence, my comment "hasta la vista Barbie" and all it stands for. Unfortunately, the magazine never produced enough revenue to support itself and the Web site, so it has folded. The editor in chief of HUES later died of bulimia.
Feral Cheryl
A dreadlocked, brown- eyed doll with tattoos, and no accessories to buy. A natural doll for natural girls. Sheesh! This site is gone, too!
From Johnny Beinart's Toy Gallery, a collection of, uh, toddlerpedes. Not Barbie, though, so maybe it won't be shut down. Baby dolls deconstructed and reconstructed as various insect forms.
Menopausal Tours
Okay, girls. You wanna know what it all comes down to? Here it is. This is your future.
The alternative for sizes 12 to 26. Shop online or use their store finder page. Burners will find lots to wear on the playa.
Baby, The Stars Shine Bright
Lots of Elegant Goth Lolita. In Japaneses, so just click till you find the pictures.
Shadow Fae Gothic Clothing
More clothes for on the playa. And off. This site also offers men's skirts and mandarin coats.
Bloody Kisses
A graphic novel using photography instead of drawings (although heavily and well photoshopped).

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